My One Big Request

I am back...sorry for being MIA.  I know I owe you the rest of the story that leads up to to the present.  And I promise, I will (eventually) get there.  I cannot move forward until I share what has happened in the last two months...

I recently went through my second round of IVF (April - May).  Just in case, you are not down with the fertility lingo, IVF is In Vitro Fertilization process.  In summation: lots of shots and hormones, surgically pull out your eggs, fertilize them in a lab, and transfer them back in.  Promise more details later.

After all the ups and downs, we found out that we got another negative pregnancy test.  I believed it was going to be easier on the second round.  And, I thought I would be able to handle the negative pregnancy test better on round two.  I was seriously wrong. 

The past month has been excruciating.  I do not know how to explain it.  It has been one of my darkest times.  I have not talked to anyone, not shared my fears, not wanted to hear others counsel.  I have been so angry, sad, and depressed.  I have cried my eyes out.  I am facing my biggest fears and questions: What if I never get to experience becoming a mother to my own child?  What direction do we take now?  Where do I fit in with everyone else who has kids?  Also, I know things could be worse and I am blessed in so many ways...so am I justified in feeling like this? 

I went to a counselor the week before I found out the results of the pregnancy test.  One thing she shared with me is that in grief it is important that we acknowledge our feelings.  Go through the feelings of sadness, anger, fear and take these to God.  But, what is MOST important is to remember the TRUTH.  As a Christian, truth is hope in knowing that God has a plan.  God loves me and has not forgotten me.  So, as I go through the emotions and plead to God to give me a child and to take away this pain, I have to remind myself that God's grace is sufficient. 

Last Sunday in church, our pastor asked us all to write down MY ONE BIG REQUEST.  Our church elders and pastor are going to praying over each prayer request (pretty awesome for such a large church - go Chase Oaks!!). 

MY ONE BIG REQUEST

To be blessed with a child of our own. 

I am praying big, bold and specific.  I am asking for God's wisdom.  That is all I can do.  I ask that you will pray for us, too. Great things can happen while we are waiting for God's answers.  Hopefully sharing my story, as painful as it can be, will glorify God in all of this because that is what it is all about. 

I am so very thankful to my sweet, amazing, and patient husband.  I am also so blessed that I have my family and friends that have prayed for us. 

Please feel free to post, message, text me your ONE BIG REQUEST.  I will pray for you and hope others will join me.     

Luke 11:9-10

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."