My One Big Request
I am back...sorry for being MIA. I know I owe you the rest of the story that leads up to to the present. And I promise, I will (eventually) get there. I cannot move forward until I share what has happened in the last two months...
I recently went through my second round of IVF (April - May). Just in case, you are not down with the fertility lingo, IVF is In Vitro Fertilization process. In summation: lots of shots and hormones, surgically pull out your eggs, fertilize them in a lab, and transfer them back in. Promise more details later.
After all the ups and downs, we found out that we got another negative pregnancy test. I believed it was going to be easier on the second round. And, I thought I would be able to handle the negative pregnancy test better on round two. I was seriously wrong.
The past month has been excruciating. I do not know how to explain it. It has been one of my darkest times. I have not talked to anyone, not shared my fears, not wanted to hear others counsel. I have been so angry, sad, and depressed. I have cried my eyes out. I am facing my biggest fears and questions: What if I never get to experience becoming a mother to my own child? What direction do we take now? Where do I fit in with everyone else who has kids? Also, I know things could be worse and I am blessed in so many ways...so am I justified in feeling like this?
I went to a counselor the week before I found out the results of the pregnancy test. One thing she shared with me is that in grief it is important that we acknowledge our feelings. Go through the feelings of sadness, anger, fear and take these to God. But, what is MOST important is to remember the TRUTH. As a Christian, truth is hope in knowing that God has a plan. God loves me and has not forgotten me. So, as I go through the emotions and plead to God to give me a child and to take away this pain, I have to remind myself that God's grace is sufficient.
Last Sunday in church, our pastor asked us all to write down MY ONE BIG REQUEST. Our church elders and pastor are going to praying over each prayer request (pretty awesome for such a large church - go Chase Oaks!!).
Please feel free to post, message, text me your ONE BIG REQUEST. I will pray for you and hope others will join me.
I recently went through my second round of IVF (April - May). Just in case, you are not down with the fertility lingo, IVF is In Vitro Fertilization process. In summation: lots of shots and hormones, surgically pull out your eggs, fertilize them in a lab, and transfer them back in. Promise more details later.
After all the ups and downs, we found out that we got another negative pregnancy test. I believed it was going to be easier on the second round. And, I thought I would be able to handle the negative pregnancy test better on round two. I was seriously wrong.
The past month has been excruciating. I do not know how to explain it. It has been one of my darkest times. I have not talked to anyone, not shared my fears, not wanted to hear others counsel. I have been so angry, sad, and depressed. I have cried my eyes out. I am facing my biggest fears and questions: What if I never get to experience becoming a mother to my own child? What direction do we take now? Where do I fit in with everyone else who has kids? Also, I know things could be worse and I am blessed in so many ways...so am I justified in feeling like this?
I went to a counselor the week before I found out the results of the pregnancy test. One thing she shared with me is that in grief it is important that we acknowledge our feelings. Go through the feelings of sadness, anger, fear and take these to God. But, what is MOST important is to remember the TRUTH. As a Christian, truth is hope in knowing that God has a plan. God loves me and has not forgotten me. So, as I go through the emotions and plead to God to give me a child and to take away this pain, I have to remind myself that God's grace is sufficient.
Last Sunday in church, our pastor asked us all to write down MY ONE BIG REQUEST. Our church elders and pastor are going to praying over each prayer request (pretty awesome for such a large church - go Chase Oaks!!).
MY ONE BIG REQUEST
To be blessed with a child of our own.
I am praying big, bold and specific. I am asking for God's wisdom. That is all I can do. I ask that you will pray for us, too. Great things can happen while we are waiting for God's answers. Hopefully sharing my story, as painful as it can be, will glorify God in all of this because that is what it is all about.
I am so very thankful to my sweet, amazing, and patient husband. I am also so blessed that I have my family and friends that have prayed for us.
Please feel free to post, message, text me your ONE BIG REQUEST. I will pray for you and hope others will join me.
Luke 11:9-10
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
I pray that our gracious, loving Lord grants your ONE BIG REQUEST!
ReplyDeleteNancy,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am so sorry that you have had to endure so much pain and heartache. We are so proud of the grace and strength with which you have endured. And yes: I believe you are justified in feeling sad, angry, frustrated and depressed.
But, as the full-time mom to two wonderful children who are not mine biologically, I feel compelled to say this: any child you love with your whole heart will be your "own", regardless of DNA. Please try to be open to God's plan for you, even if it is not the plan or dream you have for yourself. I think my life is proof that God answers prayers in amazing ways - but He doesn't always provide the specific answer we are seeking.
We love you and Jeff so much and know you will be fantastic parents to whatever child is blessed to be part of your family. And we will continue to pray that God grants your one big request! *hugs*
~ Melanie
Hey Nancy,
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking of you since you hadn't posted in a while. I will be praying for you!
Mary
We fell into the "recurrent miscarriage" subsection of the baby quest. So much of what you said resonated with our story. I will be praying for your one big request. Love and Prayers to you our favorite Fancy Nancy.
ReplyDelete